and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
