She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize