I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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