You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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