My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
