I CAN MOONWALK!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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