If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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