I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i think i have two assholes
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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