It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
