yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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