I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
