Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
