how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
