When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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