There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
