I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
