she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize