Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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