lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
