And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
