Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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