Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
