You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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