Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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