ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
