Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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