Tell her she can't have a vagina
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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