I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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