Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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