I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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