i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
