i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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