Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
