so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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