That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize