chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
