don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i think i just lost a toe
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
