I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
3pm strippers are depressing
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
