If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
