the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
