Christians are straight up FREAKS
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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