He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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