Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
