She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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