in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
