he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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