If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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