I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize