Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
