i permit you to call me
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
