He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
