you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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