Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
