i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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