On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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