I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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