if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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