i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
