3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize