Your dad touched me again.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
