Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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