Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
