God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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