i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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